Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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