There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Pants are for mortals
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
