Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so let's talk penis.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize