I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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