who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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