I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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