you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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