So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
