Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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