brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
