Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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