i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
