He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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