Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
