Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
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And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
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My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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