guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
false alarm, still single
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
