You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
