If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
