I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
