3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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