Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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