she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
