I am in a vortex of obligation.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
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How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
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I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize