dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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