You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
