I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
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she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
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I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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