Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
