She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Randomize
