where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize