I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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