We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
