I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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