____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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