on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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