But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
