I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I deserve this hangover.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
You left your phone here
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