you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
