Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
