I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
