i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
