Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
