I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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