I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
