ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
