So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize