Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You're like the curious george of whores
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
