I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
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when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
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Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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