just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
