Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I think your dad took our porno
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
