Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
