I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
