All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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