You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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