Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize