Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
