I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
