Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
