I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
