Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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