if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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