Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
