Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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